At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
