maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
