i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
