remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
