smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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