Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
