sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
