ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
