Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
