Already got asked if we're dating
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Randomize
