just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
