eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
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How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
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I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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