I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
