Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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