Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
