Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
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