Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Randomize
