Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
