I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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