I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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