i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Randomize
