if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
