Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
