no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
