; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
