and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
