i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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