I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
