Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
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