I wish I could punch you in the face.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
