chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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