I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Randomize
