I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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