He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
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