i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
