Say something about gay babies.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Farmville is her only friend.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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