sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
