So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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