One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
