Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
