i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
