people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Randomize
