census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize