I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
either way he was missing a nipple.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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