Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
