I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Randomize
