is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
