I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
