Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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