he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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