your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
