Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
tell me about the eggs
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
