Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Blood and glitter go together right?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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