Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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