I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Even the bartender felt bad for me
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
