You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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