the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
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The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
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Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
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