i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
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