I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
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