Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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