PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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