and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
