i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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