I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
