omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Dear god my vagina.
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