we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
sex in a hospital.. check
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
