Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
What changed your mind?
Being sober
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
