i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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