somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize