i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
