"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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