there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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