I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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