i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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