we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
