Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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