WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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