Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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