I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
