Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
