....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
