It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
