I love black thongs
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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