thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Randomize
