I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
