he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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