I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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